Stage 1: Two Fleas and No Dog

For the large majority of people, marrying the right person means finding someone who will meet their needs and fulfill their desires.  It’s kind of like a flea looking for a dog, a host animal upon which it can feed. Two_Fleas_and_No_4a146e2b53bbf

Boy meets girl; she seems to be exactly what he’s been looking for.  She’s beautiful, has a great personality and is fun to be with.  Girl meets boy; he’s the man of her dreams.  He’s charming, strong, kind, courteous and handsome.  Each believes the other will make the perfect spouse, or should I say “host.”

During courtship, both are on their best behavior; portraying themselves as warm cuddly puppy dogs.  He makes her feel safe and secure and listens patiently, giving her the feeling that she could share anything.  She shows him respect and honor with the promise of future intimacy and fulfillment.  He feels like a king.

Soon after their marriage, each discovers that the other cannot fulfill their every need.   As it turns out, they are both simply fleas who had hoped the other would be the host from which they could draw life.  Each flea had been self-deceived into believing that the other was a dog.

And life for the flea, well it’s all about how “you” affect “me.”  “If you would change,” it says to the host, “then everything would be fine.”  You see, the flea never takes personal responsibility; it just keeps blaming the dog.

Not every marriage begins this way but many certainly have.  The good news is that it doesn’t have to end there.  In the next blog, I will be writing about Stage 2: Two Drowning People in Open Water.

If you would like to read more about the four stages of marriage, please order my book, Two Fleas and No Dog.  I believe it will change your life and your marriage.


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