Ephesians 6:10-12

How to Overcome the True Enemy


Ephesians 6:10-12 finally, be strong in the Lord and in the strength of His might put on the full armor of God so that you will be able to stand firm against the schemes of the devil for our struggle is not against flesh and blood but against the rulers against the powers against the world forces of this darkness against the spiritual forces of wickedness in the heavenly places we talked yesterday about a little analogy the Lord gave me of an arms dealer who sets us up fires a shot through one of us to wound the other and we never realize it this happened to me in my marriage Jan and I would fight flesh and blood fight each other for the first 7 years we never saw how the arms dealer set us up what it really had to do with, was this we were both blind to a level of communication that I realized most people don’t see I’ve come to talk about 2 levels of communication topical is the more external relational is the lower level on level 2, relational communication those are messages we send to one another about value about identity so I can send a message to my wife you’re very very valuable, I love you you’re worth spending time with your opinions and feeling count or I can send her a message you don’t mean anything you’re worthless I don’t love you you have no value many times on that lower relational level we’re unaware of that we’re focused on the topic about money about sexual relationship about who pays bills who cooks food what cars we drive where are we going to live all these are topical things we focus on those things get in arguments about those things but really we’re not talking about that we’re talking about identity, value let me just give you an example of an Ephesians 6:11 scheme it says the enemy sets us up the arms dealer sets us up with schemes here’s a classic one this never actually happened in my life but I’ve talked to many people who have suppose it’s the first year of marriage and the husband is at work wife is at home husband’s cell phone rings at work 10 o’clock in the morning he’s under pressure he’s got a project due a noon he wouldn’t even normally answer the phone but because he realized he saw it’s his wife he picks it up hello and she says Honey I just need to know were you thinking about me this morning now that is a set up just think about this what is the answer to that what’s the truth was he thinking about her no he’s at work he’s busy he’s focused on his project but he’s probably smart enough to realize if he tells her that he’s going to hurt her but what’s his alternative lie to her tell her oh yeah I was thinking about you I was just about to call you I’m so glad you called me and if he lies she’s going to know he’s insincere and that’s going to wound her also this is a set up the arms dealer has set them up there’s no legitimate answer what do you do with that very simply here’s what God showed me as a husband we want to explain we want to defend we want to justify I’m busy right now I can’t talk to you can I call you back later that usually doesn’t work here’s what does work ask questions ask questions about her feelings ask questions about her thoughts her experiences, her agenda her priorities if you ask questions rather than statements defending declaration you defeat the enemy every time so the husband could simply say this when she says honey were you thinking about me this morning he could simply ask this question honey by the tone of your voice I sense that you’re feeling maybe a little bit low on love not valuable this morning is that true that’s your question the second question could you just share with me how are you feeling what have you done by asking those questions you’ve expressed concern for her on level 2 you’re filling her love tank as it were making her feel valuable by asking questions instead of making statements defending, justifying when we did that when I learned that we defeated the enemy in our marriage by asking questions and if you don’t remember anything else out of what I am saying today here’s the key when you get in an argument with another person instead of explaining defending, justifying if you would learn to ask questions about that other person’s perspective and then you can repent of the ways that you’ve wounded them maybe it wasn’t your fault maybe you had nothing to do with it but the arms dealer set you up and you wounded them without realizing it all you do once you discover that is repent honey you know what I realize you just needed me to say I love you I didn’t do that please forgive me I want to tell you now you’re precious to me I love you you mean everything to me would you forgive me if you’ll do that you’ll eradicate conflict you’ll stop fighting flesh and blood the two of you can unite together to fight the true enemy that is such a powerful powerful marriage principle and it works not only in marriage but every other relationship I encourage you today in what area are you fighting flesh and blood in what area are you explaining defending, justifying if you’ll stop that and begin asking questions you’ll resolve the conflict you’ll easily be able to repent to forgive one another and fight the true enemy I encourage you today let your heart be focused on God love Him hear what He’s saying to you today ask lots of questions bless other people and you will make a difference God bless you


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