I Peter 3:1-4

How To Influence a Difficult Husband


1 Peter 3:1-4 in the same way you wives be submissive to your own husbands so that even if any of them are disobedient to the word they may be won without a word by the behavior of their wives as they observe your chaste and respectful behavior your adornment must not merely be external braiding the hair wearing gold jewelry or putting on dresses but let it be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable quality of a gentle and quiet spirit which is precious in the sight of God How do you influence a disobedient husband how do you influence a man who doesn’t want to walk with God or perhaps is abusive is very difficult how do you change him Peter says there’s a way to do that without even a word without speaking a word you know what most wives think the way to change their husband is most wives think if I just tell him all the things wrong with him and explain it to him he’ll change do you know that never works I told one wife who had been trying to change her husband for 20 years what have you been doing? she said well I’d just tell him all the things that are wrong I said how’s that working? she said it never works I said Ma’am I don’t mean to be unkind but if there were a strategy that I were using that 100% of the time does not work consistently for 20 years I would consider changing that strategy many people don’t so what do you need to do? make sure first of all that your trust is in God not in your husband I’m speaking mainly to wives today make sure your trust is in God the most amazing picture of that is Sarah in Genesis with Abraham do you remember twice Abraham lied and said she’s my sister and allowed her to be taken into the harem of a heathen King and twice God protected Sarah in a supernatural way Sarah trusted God when Abraham was not trustworthy so if you have a difficult situation with a husband trust God not your husband then how do you change this man what it says in verse 2 it says as your husband observes your chaste and respectful behavior respect is a key you know Ephesians 5:33 says wives respect your husband respect changes a man’s it changes his whole character changes his demeanor what does respect mean it doesn’t mean you just do everything he says God gave me this picture one time every person has a fuel tank just like your car has a fuel tank we don’t run on gasoline or diesel like a car does but we run on value every human being wants to feel valuable so how do you fill your husband’s fuel tank fill him with value what makes men feel valuable respect and I’m just going to tell you three things God showed me that respect means to most men number 1 acceptance number 2 admiration number 3 appreciation say thank you a lot tell him how proud you are of him in the areas where he’s good not flattery but things that are actually true accept him as he is and trust God to change him so how do you change him without a word by respectful behavior what does that mean appreciate him say thank you admire him, accept him that’s how you change him without even uttering a word that’s what softens a hardened heart how do you harden his heart more how do you drive him away let’s talk about the opposite very easy, criticize him try to change him tell him all the things that are wrong with him it’s not your job as a wife to change your husband that’s God’s job your job is to fill your husband’s tank respect your husband that’s what Paul said in Ephesians 5:33 and here it says you can win even a disobedient husband without a word by filling his value tank I remember hearing one secular motivational speaker on a television show one time or on a video I guess actually it was quite crude what he did but he was dealing with a couple that were in conflict quite a bit with one another and to make this point he asked the wife when was the last time that she had done something for her husband he was actually talking about sexual intimacy in a way that was totally selfless was for his benefit not for hers and you know she had to think about it and admit you know I haven’t probably for actually many many years and the point he was making wasn’t about sexual things it was about have you, through your actions filled your husband’s value tank or are you constantly trying to change him and get him to fill yours and that really is the key right there is changing from being a flea to a rechargeable battery I wrote a book about that Two Fleas and No Dog how do I change from being a flea looking for somebody to meet my needs to being a battery where I let God meet my needs and I continue to give and give and give and what I’d like to do today is just pray for God’s grace to be poured out upon every wife to win your husband’s heart even a difficult husband even a husband that’s far from God this scripture really is true you can win a disobedient husband without speaking a word by your chaste and respectful behavior by filling him filling his value tank respecting him, accepting him admiring him, appreciating him blessing him that will actually change his whole relationship with you and open his heart to God so let’s pray Father I pray for every wife today watching this Father even those with difficult situations or those with great marriages Father I pray for an outpouring of your grace upon wives today to really impart into the heart of their husband to soften hardened hearts Father pour out your grace upon the most difficult situation even those that are watching today that people have said it’s impossible it’ll never change I break the power of those words and Father I thank you all things are possible with you Father would you pour out your grace to use each one of us today in the life of the one we’re married to use each wife today Father to soften the heart of her husband and to change him without speaking a word through her chaste and respectful behavior Father would you use wives to do that today in the mighty name of Yeshua Amen


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