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Matthew 5:23-24

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therefore if you are presenting

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your offering at the alter

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and there remember that your brother

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has something against you

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leave your offering there

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before the alter and go

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first be reconciled to your brother

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and then come and present

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your offering

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we've been talking about

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what to do when I'm offended

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but now we're reversing it

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and talking about what do I do

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when somebody else is offended

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and I'm the cause

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I'm the person that offended

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somebody else

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Yeshua says here

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if you recognize you offended somebody

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even if you're in the middle

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of worshiping God

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leave the alter

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leave the place of worship

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go and reconcile with your brother

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that's how important it is

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and I find that most people

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don't know how to repent

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most people don't know effectively

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how to make an apology

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a lot of times people say

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if I was wrong

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when you say if

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it nullifies everything

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that comes after that

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because what that actually means is

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I don't think I was wrong

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but I'll be the godly mature one

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I'll go the second mile

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I'll apologize even when I

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don't think I was wrong

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when you're the one with the problem

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don't say if

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because it nullifies everything else

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another thing people say sometimes is

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I want to apologize

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I want to ask you to forgive me

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it's like ok

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I'm glad you want to

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go ahead and do it

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when you say I want

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to ask you to forgive me

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that's not asking

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that's saying you want to

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and many times we use

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language inadvertently

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that's not effective

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my good friend Ford Taylor

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has a workshop that he runs

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called transformational leadership

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and in that workshop

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he talks about 6 steps

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to an effective apology

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and I just want to share

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those 6 steps with you

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they're obviously

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from the word of God

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they're not original to Ford

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he got them from the word

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but he's the one that presented them

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I want to acknowledge him

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for coming up with that

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and that's where I first heard these

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specific 6 steps

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but I believe these will really bless you

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and help you

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when you recognize

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ok I've offended somebody

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I need to make an apology

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number one

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acknowledge the offense

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don't say if I hurt you

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if I offended you own it

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own the offense

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and acknowledge it say

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I recognize I offended you

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I realize I hurt you

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so I realize I violated

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our relational covenant

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with one another

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or I've offended you

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so acknowledge it

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take responsibility for it

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step number two say

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I now understand that I was wrong

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I didn't understand it before

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so acknowledge wrongness on your part

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that will set the other person's

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heart at ease because

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what everybody wants to know

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when they're offended is

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do you know that you

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did something wrong to hurt me

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so acknowledge yes

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yes I know I was wrong

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step number three

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say I'm so sorry

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for taking your value

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or dishonoring you as a person

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express regret for

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what caused the offense

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the other thing the person wants to know

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the offended person is

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do you care that you hurt me

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let them know very clearly

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it grieves me to know

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that I hurt you

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so that's the third step

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is tell them I'm very very sorry

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for wounding you

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the way that I did

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step number four

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you want to ask a question

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that elicits a response

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and the question is

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will you forgive me

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when you ask that question

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it brings closure

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not I want to ask you to forgive me

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or to say I apologize

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because there's no answer it's like

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ok

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but when you say will you forgive me

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it elicits a response

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they have to say yes or no

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it brings closure to it

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so that's the fourth step

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ask a question

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most people quit there

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here are two others

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that my friend Ford Taylor shares

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and I think these

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are very very important

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number five

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ask for accountability

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say I really want to use

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my best efforts

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not to offend you again

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I give you permission

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to share with me

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if I hurt you again

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would you tell me

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if I offend you and wound you again

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maybe it's a blind spot for me

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maybe I don't see it

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so would you please

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hold me accountable

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that if I offend you again

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you'll tell me

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and usually people will be very glad

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and you'll help eliminate

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your own blind spots by doing that

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and step number six

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is a more dangerous one

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but really critical

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is there anything else

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that I have done

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that you would like to tell me

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and then follow the same process again

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if they bring something up

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you go back acknowledge it

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repent, ask forgiveness

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the same steps we just talked about

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why do you want to do that

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because you want to

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reconcile a relationship

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let's get everything out in the open

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if there's five different

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things that I've offended you in

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and we've never dealt with them

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please tell me all five

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don't tell me three

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and leave two of them for later

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let's get it all out in the open

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because the Bible says

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reconcile with your brother

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so I want to be completely reconciled

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please tell me everything

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let's deal with it all

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because I really want to

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deal with blind areas

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it's not my desire

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to offend and wound you

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please tell me everything else

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that I might repent

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if you do that

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you'll just have such powerful

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powerful reconciliation times

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people that were your enemies

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will become some of your best friends

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they'll be your allies

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they'll be for you

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if you'll follow this process

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so the question today is

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is God bringing someone to your mind

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that you've offended

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that you know has ought against you

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or feels wounded or hurt

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someone you've never

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reconciled the relationship with

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if so would you commit

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in your heart today

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to go to see that person

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and reconcile with them

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at the earliest opportunity

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or if it's someone that lives

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long distance away

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you can do it by phone

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or Skype

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or one of the online services

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that you could communicate

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long distance with that person

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but would you commit to do that today

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if you reconcile those relationships

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and do what Yeshua

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encourages us to do here

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reconcile relationships

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you'll become a blesser of people

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and you'll be shocked

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at how much favor

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God gives you everywhere

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and you'll also eliminate

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your own blind spots

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because people will tell you

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if you're open to receiving

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the knowledge that you've

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offended somebody

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and a willingness to repent

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and make it right

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so God Bless You

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may you walk in

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completely reconciled

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relationships today